My psychotherapist and spiritual director is a pastoral Rabbi. He taught me that Hebrew numbers represent words, ideas, concepts. Each year of one’s life, therefore, can be associated with a word or a concept. On my 34th birthday this year, I asked him what this year represents. This question has become a sort of divination practice for me. He stopped to think for a second and said, “Rebirthing yourself!” and chuckled with a twinkle in his eye, knowing the appropriateness of his response and the significance of birth and rebirth on my healing journey. And then he said, “well, it also means poverty consciousness … so, you have options!”
Tonight, the Moon will reach her fullest expression of this lunar cycle in the sign of Capricorn … my First House. The First House is the House of Identity—who you are in the world, how you present yourself, your body, your appearance, how other people perceive you. Often, your First House identity is illuminated by people’s perceptions of your childhood identity … being the “smart” one, the “funny” one, the “serious” one, or the “weird” one in your family or in your class. These qualifiers in no way determine your spiritual evolution or the many identities you will manifest and maintain in your life. In fact, if you do the work that your chart indicates you’re meant to do, you will integrate other energies into your personality, into the ways in which you present yourself, even as you remain rooted in certain characteristics exemplified by the sign your First House inhabits. And right now, around this Moon, this is what I am experiencing … the culmination of a transitioning identity, the release of some qualities and the emergence of others. Rebirth … not the incubation period, but a full on thrust through the birth canal, the final contraction before great expansion.
The Sun is in Cancer right now—the sign opposite to Capricorn, its complementary energy, its other half, if you will. My North Node is in Cancer. The North Node of the Moon represents one’s energetic destiny … the energy, the particular qualities and characteristics that one must embody in one’s life in order to be able to do one’s work in the world. As the Full Moon approaches, I feel myself releasing certain Capricornian characteristics that no longer serve me while a beautiful Cancerian energy moves in to inhabit the space that has been cleared. Capricorn is structured, ruled by Saturn. And my Capricorn self is teaching me to build structure strong enough and flexible enough to hold my emerging Cancerian identity. Like Ani DiFranco sings,
“Buildings and bridges are made to bend in the wind
To withstand the world, that’s what it takes.
All that steel and stone are no match for the air, my friends.
What doesn’t bend breaks, what doesn’t bend breaks.”
Cancer is a powerful energy requiring Capricorn to learn all sorts of advanced yoga. I can’t count the number of times over the past several weeks that I have found myself saying to myself, “I don’t even know who I am any more …,” which is to say, I have changed. I never knew how much I’d have to change in order to actually be the person I seek to be, the person I know myself to be from the inside out. And that is why I have this practice … to remember who I am, to re-member myself, to re-shape myself, to put all of the pieces together in a way that makes sense to the truth of who I am unencumbered by outside cookie cutters.
Not surprisingly, my rebirth is pulling me out of poverty consciousness and into the belief that I can maintain a multi-faceted business that can support me fully because the business is based in my calling, the business is based in my own ability to nurture and nourish others as much as I have nurtured and nourished myself (which also corresponds with my North Node in the 7th House, the House of the Other). This Full Moon, for me, represents business as a practice of nurturing. And well … that really flies in the face of the idea that business is evil, that business is selfish, while charity is giving … ideas that I once held strongly and that I now rebuke. The first step to having a business about nurturing and nourishing is to believe that business can be nurturing and nourishing, that it can be supportive, compassionate, and loving. After all, Economics comes from a Greek word that means “the CARE of the house” … and I think that’s what this Capricorn Full Moon wants us to realize, wants us to remember.
Capricorn and it’s ruler, Saturn, often get a bad rap. If you follow my work, you know that I tend to stand up for Saturn more than most (probably because he is the ruler of my First House and the traditional ruler of my Aquarian Sun). I really believe that behind that tough exterior, Saturn wants us to find and fulfill our dreams, our deepest callings in life. I believe each of us has a calling in life. I have found that for most people, when they discover their callings, it all makes so much sense. It is easy in a way, and yet, it requires work beyond what is imaginable when you set out upon your calling. And that’s what Capricorn knows … how to work … #werkwerkwerkwerkwerk. Capricorn is willing to work. Capricorn works until he reaches his goal. He knows the satisfaction of working until the end, until the goal is finally accomplished. This Moon wants to remind us of everything we’ve been working for. This Moon reminds us how much work we’ve done, how far we’ve come over the past 6 months and beyond. So sit. Acknowledge. Appreciate the fruits of your own labor.
This is the one lunation of the year that represents mature masculine and mature feminine energy in diametric opposition, creating a duality, an equanimity that questions traditional gender roles in many cultural contexts. This is a lunation in which the Sun is in a sign ruled by the Moon, ruled by wild feminine maternity, while the Moon is in the sign of the paternity, basking in divine masculine energy. During this lunation, it is as if, for once, the Moon gets to be reflected, rather than always being the one to reflect. It is as if feminine energy is illuminating masculine space, like a womanist/feminist researcher being admired and appreciated in a traditional intellectual institution.
This is the lunation that asks us (regardless of our gender identity), “Are you woman enough? Are you woman enough to hold yourself, to illuminate yourself, to express yourself, to be big enough, as great as you really are so that the Sun, for once, can reflect you? So that the masculine can sit still and learn to receive your spirit, your energy?” It’s like the most beautiful man in the world looking you straight in the eye and saying, “Wow. You’re a real woman.” And not just because you can hold him when he cries. And not just because you ooze compassion. And not just because you’re beautiful. And not just because you make that BOMB ass food! But because you are strong enough to hold space, strong enough to be present. You are funny. You are witty. And … you are smart. Really smart. Because, just like real women have curves, real women hold infinite intelligence. We are consciousness inhabiting female bodies (represented by the Moon), which are also infinitely intelligent.
Perhaps quite paradoxically, this Moon represents the interrogation of gender roles, gender stereotypes. The Full Moon in Capricorn can facilitate a crumbling of the patriarchy, a breakdown in problematic patriarchal power structures and elevate everything beautiful about healthy balanced fathers. In the same way that Jesus indicated that the first shall be last and the last shall be first, this Full Moon wants to remind us that feminine energy can be strong, structured and organized. Female bodies are the only structures from which live human bodies can emerge. And divine masculine energy can be beautiful, emotional, creative and vulnerable. Here’s to experiencing yourself in a whole new way.
Full Moon Blessings, dear Capricorn.